cranky fat feminist

[cranky] “useless dependent”

According to my father I am the useless 23 year old dependent. I cannot find a job, and I’m not looking hard enough. Sometimes when the primary breadwinner loses their job, the child steps up and becomes the primary bread winner. Why hasn’t that happened?

Why can’t I be more dedicated to filing out dozens of online applications, and even more walk-in local applications? Why am I so disheartened by my lack of application response that I don’t want to keep filling out applications? I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve received a response from a potential employer letting me know they’re no longer interested and have found their person. I feel like I’m screaming out into a vast wasteland, and my voice has become hoarse. No one wants me to serve their burgers or stock their shelves. No one wants me to be their administrative assistant. Despite over seven years of employee and volunteer management, no one wants me to oversee a single person or task.

Every time I think we’ve made up, and I just start to get comfortable again with my father, this comes up. I’m not pulling my weight, I’m only getting more depressed. I’m able to pay my car insurance and student loan payments but not my phone or my medical bills and prescriptions.

I do something wrong, and then my sister or mother does or says something he deems as mean, and his only outlet for anger is me.

Yes, I have applied for a job today. No, only one job. I’ve done more job research, but that doesn’t really count.

I want to wait tables for drunk sloppy gross men for $2.13 an hour; I want to mop floors and take out trash for $7.25 an hour; I want to pay all of my bills and pay rent. I don’t know what to do. I just can’t keep doing this.

my journal template

This is what I created and personally use to journal. It focuses on body love, self care, happy moments, things to do, as well as goals. Plus, it's in black and white so you can color all over it!

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time.

One thought on “[cranky] “useless dependent””

  1. Because job hunting sucks. You get rejected so many times that you are willing to take anything but can't get anything and are tired of having doors slammed in your face. I just left a career that paid well because it didn't pay enough for me to put my baby in childcare and now I can't find anything to pay the bills.

    I know it feels like you're not getting anywhere. And trying to be the one that steps up when a parent has lost a job is awful, too. Been there. The horrid thing about looking for work is you have to keep repeatedly beating your head against that wall. I carry resumes in my car, talk to anyone and everyone I can. I try networking despite my limited social circle. Try not to let it suck the wind out of you. Get the frustration out whatever way you can. Then go back and start beating your head again. That wall will eventually fall.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *